"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

Creations from my looms

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse

Yes it is me again.

Having my son die on May 11, 2008, I actually thought after the first year that I was finally healing, finally getting my life back together around April, 2009. Boy was I wrong.

On May 4th, 2009, I had started getting back to what I needed to do to get on with everything, and I then it happened. I passed out at work. I have never ever passed out at work, no reason at all to my knowledge. My son found me, in the bathroom at work, sweaty, etc. I went to the hospital, where they found nothing. OK, no problems. Right.

I had some issues with dyslexia, which I have never had either. Thought it was a bit strange, but no worries. I noticed that I had also, had some memory issues, which is not me. I have a photographic memory mostly in my little boring existence. I usually don't say that to people because I don't like to toot my own horn that I am smart. So back to the story.

With these issues, I was experiencing headaches. They weren't too bad, but to the point that you noticed then more frequently than normal. About July, after progression of the headaches, I had one mind blowing headache that was so intense that I could hear the lady across the street squeak her swing and to caused my head to completely exploded. This should have been my supposed intelligence level to also scream going, "Hello, Dummy! Wake the hell up." But of course, it wasn't.

The headaches continued. I then had no recourse, thanks to my husband who made an appointment for me, to see a doctor.

After the appointment, I was asked to go to the doctor. Maybe there was something with the MRI machine, or maybe I wiggled or something. Of course that wasn't the case.

It was after hours, so they escorted me into the ER, which they had me gown up, and started putting IV's in my arms, without an explanation. So, I am really freaking out now. Turns out I should be.

The doctor on call the time, asked us to sit down in his chair in the ER and said, "This is what you need to see. This is your tumor, and we need to get you on a life flight or a car as soon as possible. Which one would you like? I, think you need to get there very quickly, might burst."
Speechless. That is all I can describe what was going on in my mind right there that minute of my life.

I will do more on this post later today.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Tragic year - death of a child





It has been almost a year since I have blogged. I have had a very tragic year and have just not felt like doing it.

On May 10th, 2008 I was at work and received a call from the Central Utah Correctional Facility. My son Travis had attempted to hang himself and had been taken to the hospital in Gunnison, UT. I spoke to the doctor on call and he informed me that Travis's organs were failing and that they had intubated him. Being an EMT before, I wanted to cut through the crap and just find out what his chances were. They weren't good. Travis was at that moment being life flighted to University of Utah Medical Center.


My husband and I called the landlord to tell him that we were going to have to use the rent money to get to Salt Lake City and why. He was very gracious and told us to do what we needed to do. Then came a harder part. Telling my other son that his brother might not make it.

I can honestly say that was the longest drive that I have ever been in, with the least amount of talking that I can remember ever.

When we arrived, we were escorted to his room in ICU. He was on life support and we were told it was hopeless.

I know that he knew we were there. His monitor numbers would go up when we talked to him like he was still in there even though the doctors told us his brain was dead. I have to believe he knew we were there, for my own sanity. Travis had guards outside his door and after the hospital staff changed his bedding and checked on him, I realized that he was shackled to the bed.

I went completely ballastic! The guards informed me that they had an officer shot by an inmate last year and the shackles were a precaution. I not so politely told them that he hadn't brought his gun with him and that we were going to have to make a decision to turn off the machines shortly. I also told them that I didn't care if the governor had to be bothered in his church services with his mother, but that my son was not going to die a prisoner.

They took the shackles off finally after having to get a supervisor to the hospital.

Thirty minutes after that the numbers on the monitor started, one at a time, going to zero. I believe in my heart that he was waiting for me to set him free so that he could go. He died at 8:40 a.m. May 11, 2008, Mother's Day morning.

The agony that I have felt these last few months cannot be described.

One good thing that came out of all of this, his father, whom I had not been civil with in many years, stepped up and was there for me, financially and emotionally. He and his wife were there for me when I needed them. I also got to meet Travis's little brother on his father's side.

Travis hated this town that I live in. It caused him nothing but trouble. I took his ashes home to where my dad is buried and buried Travis beside him. No matter where I go, Travis will always be home.

On this day I am approaching the 6 month mark of his death on the 11th of November. It hurts every day. But I am making it... somewhat.


Travis.... I miss you son. I love you and always will. After all the things you have had to go through in your lifetime, things that would have been helped if the state had allowed us to instead of stealing 6 years from us in your early teen years when it might have mattered, you are finally free.




~Raven

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!!! Ok is only an article for a loom knitting magazine. But it is the only loom knitting e-zine that I am aware of and it is of course the best! You can look at my article here found at Loom Knitters Circle e-zine.

Isela Phelps and Denise Layman are the editors and publishers of this wonderful e-zine that brings loom knitting to the forefront of the crafting world. Both of these women are published authors who have brought an old craft of loom knitting back to the public and gave it a nice fresh face. Through Isela's videos for crafting on the loom, many people including myself have learned not only how to loom knit, but also how to convert regular knitting patterns, read charts, and do many wonderful stitches that would not have been possible otherwise. Denise is a complete whiz at being the editor of Loom Knitting Circle! She has a very fresh blog at Knit Chat called Knitting Without Needles . Through her talents, this magazine has 4 seasons of articles and patterns for new loomers and old ones as well. Together they have modernized the loom knitting craft! No more just hats and scarves! Thanks to these women and many, many contributors with wonderful patterns to try, the possibilities are endless!


Ladies, thank you from the bottom of my writer's heart! I am hoping to do another article for the spring edition, if time and thought patterns permit!

So to all of you who want to write something, or try something, hold your breath, jump right in! You will never know until you give it a shot.
Til next time! Happy Holidays to you and yours, and happy looming as well!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

More loomed stuff

Well tomorrow never came... thankfully though Thanksgiving came and went, uneventfully. Had a nice time at family dinner even though, my spirits just weren't in it this year. Maybe Christmas will be better.....

On to other things....

I have been slowly working on the squares for the San Diego Wildfire Blanket Project. I feel that I am extremely slow for some reason at times... but I am cranking them out. I added them to the slide show above so should see them soon.

I just love my KISS Loom! Mine is getting broken in properly with this square project, that is for certain! What a joy to work with! I finally said, Self, yeah you with the bewildered look on your face... It is just a loom not a lion on a leash! And so my first KISS won't be my last KISS!

So making squares, fitting in Holidays, pushing my 16 year old through high school because his brain is in stall mode at the moment, things are pretty hectic around here!

Until next time, take care, be safe, and find something in your day that you enjoy.... then DO IT!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007





Well I realized today that I hadn't even looked to see if my blog was still here until today. Wow! Over a month since I made a peep!

I am starting another charity project. Doing 8x8 squares for blankets for the San Diego Wildfire Blankets Project, organized by GeorgeAnne Smith. They are a small group of people who want to make a difference in the terrible fires that have plagued the San Diego area. To date, GeorgeAnne told me that there were 1588 homes and business lost. So if these squares will help give them some comfort then I am all in. The world needs more people like GeorgeAnne Smith. People who think of the loss of others and try to lend a comforting hand. If you can help out with this efforts go over to GeorgeAnne's site and read the requirements. Any pattern, any color no wool blends unless instructions are provided for their washing care, any style. She is a wonderful person who is trying to make a dent into a very bad situation. Come on guys!!! Dig out those knitting needles, crochet hooks, looms etc., and get to it!!!

On another note, tomorrow is Halloween!!! YAY! My absolutely most favorite of all holidays!

I will be posting again tomorrow!

Til then.... take care of yourselves


If you are a Looming Angel too, ask me how you can post this shop on your blog and advertise the Looming Angels group so we can grow our numbers further and reach more people in need.