It has been almost a year since I have blogged. I have had a very tragic year and have just not felt like doing it.
On May 10th, 2008 I was at work and received a call from the Central Utah Correctional Facility. My son Travis had attempted to hang himself and had been taken to the hospital in Gunnison, UT. I spoke to the doctor on call and he informed me that Travis's organs were failing and that they had intubated him. Being an EMT before, I wanted to cut through the crap and just find out what his chances were. They weren't good. Travis was at that moment being life flighted to University of Utah Medical Center.
On May 10th, 2008 I was at work and received a call from the Central Utah Correctional Facility. My son Travis had attempted to hang himself and had been taken to the hospital in Gunnison, UT. I spoke to the doctor on call and he informed me that Travis's organs were failing and that they had intubated him. Being an EMT before, I wanted to cut through the crap and just find out what his chances were. They weren't good. Travis was at that moment being life flighted to University of Utah Medical Center.
My husband and I called the landlord to tell him that we were going to have to use the rent money to get to Salt Lake City and why. He was very gracious and told us to do what we needed to do. Then came a harder part. Telling my other son that his brother might not make it.
I can honestly say that was the longest drive that I have ever been in, with the least amount of talking that I can remember ever.
When we arrived, we were escorted to his room in ICU. He was on life support and we were told it was hopeless.
I know that he knew we were there. His monitor numbers would go up when we talked to him like he was still in there even though the doctors told us his brain was dead. I have to believe he knew we were there, for my own sanity. Travis had guards outside his door and after the hospital staff changed his bedding and checked on him, I realized that he was shackled to the bed.
I went completely ballastic! The guards informed me that they had an officer shot by an inmate last year and the shackles were a precaution. I not so politely told them that he hadn't brought his gun with him and that we were going to have to make a decision to turn off the machines shortly. I also told them that I didn't care if the governor had to be bothered in his church services with his mother, but that my son was not going to die a prisoner.
They took the shackles off finally after having to get a supervisor to the hospital.
Thirty minutes after that the numbers on the monitor started, one at a time, going to zero. I believe in my heart that he was waiting for me to set him free so that he could go. He died at 8:40 a.m. May 11, 2008, Mother's Day morning.
The agony that I have felt these last few months cannot be described.
One good thing that came out of all of this, his father, whom I had not been civil with in many years, stepped up and was there for me, financially and emotionally. He and his wife were there for me when I needed them. I also got to meet Travis's little brother on his father's side.
Travis hated this town that I live in. It caused him nothing but trouble. I took his ashes home to where my dad is buried and buried Travis beside him. No matter where I go, Travis will always be home.
I can honestly say that was the longest drive that I have ever been in, with the least amount of talking that I can remember ever.
When we arrived, we were escorted to his room in ICU. He was on life support and we were told it was hopeless.
I know that he knew we were there. His monitor numbers would go up when we talked to him like he was still in there even though the doctors told us his brain was dead. I have to believe he knew we were there, for my own sanity. Travis had guards outside his door and after the hospital staff changed his bedding and checked on him, I realized that he was shackled to the bed.
I went completely ballastic! The guards informed me that they had an officer shot by an inmate last year and the shackles were a precaution. I not so politely told them that he hadn't brought his gun with him and that we were going to have to make a decision to turn off the machines shortly. I also told them that I didn't care if the governor had to be bothered in his church services with his mother, but that my son was not going to die a prisoner.
They took the shackles off finally after having to get a supervisor to the hospital.
Thirty minutes after that the numbers on the monitor started, one at a time, going to zero. I believe in my heart that he was waiting for me to set him free so that he could go. He died at 8:40 a.m. May 11, 2008, Mother's Day morning.
The agony that I have felt these last few months cannot be described.
One good thing that came out of all of this, his father, whom I had not been civil with in many years, stepped up and was there for me, financially and emotionally. He and his wife were there for me when I needed them. I also got to meet Travis's little brother on his father's side.
Travis hated this town that I live in. It caused him nothing but trouble. I took his ashes home to where my dad is buried and buried Travis beside him. No matter where I go, Travis will always be home.
On this day I am approaching the 6 month mark of his death on the 11th of November. It hurts every day. But I am making it... somewhat.
Travis.... I miss you son. I love you and always will. After all the things you have had to go through in your lifetime, things that would have been helped if the state had allowed us to instead of stealing 6 years from us in your early teen years when it might have mattered, you are finally free.
~Raven
